Recently, I’m beginning to be increasingly easily irritable and restless about many things that I could have tolerated before with ease. Take these examples:
I used to be able to teach even with a couple of bad eggs in the class that continually make unnecessary noise in my class. But now I cant stand even the tiniest whispers. Maybe ruling with an iron fist seems easier now than before.
Or
When we (Befrienders and I) head down to interact with the Pri 5 and 6s for a special Fathers’ Day project. I could hardly stand it when one of the kid just kept on babbling about animes and about how much the other kids could touch Domo (A soft toy that AP brought down to entertain the kids) and how he did not care at all about the lack of effort or thought into designing the key chain for his father.
Or
How I used to be super excited about planning and doing things but now I just switch off even though I know that I do have quite a bit to think about and plan for.I used to feel guilty about being such a sloth but now I barely feel a thing.
On hindsight I seem to be Choleric when I do not like to be or Phlegmatic when I do not like to be. Or perhaps I am just being Melancholic right now, which I incidentally do not like. I just hope my Sanguineness does not make me begin to sound incoherent. I guess I’ve always had a problem of managing my own expectations. I expect myself to be constantly better than how I already am. Even worse than that, I expect others to be perfect so that I do not feel irritated. Sure sounds pretty selfish aye?
The other thing is that I do not like to expect management over my life. I’m perfectly fine with management when it comes to things that I know I’m not the best at. But when it comes to other things that I find trivial or that I expect myself to be good at then I do not expect management at all. I sound reasonable here but I shall spare you the examples otherwise you might not want to approach me anymore. Now I sound pretty stuck up yeh?
I asked the Lord for discontented contentment recently. What I received is not what I expected or asked for. Or at least I thought. My lack of search for management and having faith in the Lord to expect management over my entire being (that is my thought, actions and words) have probably caused me to neglect relying on the Lord to manage my own expectations. Though what I might be going through now may not seem to be linked to a holy discontentment, I believe that this season I am going through is a walk I have to take with the Lord.
Lord help me EXPECT MANAGEMENT for MANAGED EXPECTATIONS.
